If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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