so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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