u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
