Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
