He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
