Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
