I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
