fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
