my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
