No awkward lesbian experiences without me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
