She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
