I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
