do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
