Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
