Whod you bang
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
