FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
