he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
