dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
