sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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