I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
