it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
