Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just invented taco cereal.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
