Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize