You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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