You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
