She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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