i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
