So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
