Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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