you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
