Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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