is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
