Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
