Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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