Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize