Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
