somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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