Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
