Do you still have your period?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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