i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
