i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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