Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
