at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
