Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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