i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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