I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize