I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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