ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
