New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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