How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
