it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just cropdusted the office
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
