Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Will exercising make me less horny?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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