My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
