Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
