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• (408): View more from California

  I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.

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• (805): View more from California

  Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!

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• (772): View more from Florida

  To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss

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• (518): View more from New York

  I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  I see you found the nyquil...

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