everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
