Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Non-Jews are for practice
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
