the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
