'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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