Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
