I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
