She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
