Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
