This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize