pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
