Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
