Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
